College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
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So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
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You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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