i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize