Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize