He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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