i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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