And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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