I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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