this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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