Swine flu. Run for my life!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
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He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize