he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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