I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize