We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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