Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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