I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she smelled like a LAN party
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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