If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize