I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize