There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize