dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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