I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize