i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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