i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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