do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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