how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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