I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
3 2 1 whiskey
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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