MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
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I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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