just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
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It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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