careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
