I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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