so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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