I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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