I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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