I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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