well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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