So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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