apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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