I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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