I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize