i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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