3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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