Did I show you my penis last night?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize