Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize