I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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