I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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