my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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