He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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