I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Randomize