I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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