alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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