She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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