I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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